Wednesday, March 7, 2007

40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work

I didn't make this list. Someone sent it to me. I could have used a couple of these today. :)
  1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
  2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  3. How about never? Is never good for you?
  4. I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
  5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
  6. Who lit your fuse.
  7. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
  8. I don't work here - I'm a consultant.
  9. It sounds like English, but I don't understand a damn word you're saying.
  10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
  11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  13. I have plenty of talent and vision - I just don't give a damn.
  14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
  20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn
  22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  23. And your cry-baby whiny butt opinion would be?
  24. Do I look like a fucking people person to you?
  25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
  27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  31. Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.
  32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
  33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
  34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
  36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.
  37. How do I set a laser printer to k!ll.
  38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary
  39. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
  40. Wait a minute - I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality

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